If you want to change something, the first step it to accept what is.
Let’s re-read that slowly together:
If you want to change something, the first step it to accept what is.
Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? That’s because most of us are scared to embrace acceptance—worried that if we accept things the way they are, we’ll lose our motivation to change them in a positive way. Many of us are fighters—not accepting things we dislike and working to change things to our desires. But it can be difficult and quite stressful to try to change things from a place of non-acceptance. The first step of transformation is not to fight, but to accept what is. Carl Jung said it this way (and I have this posted on my computer monitor):
“What you resist, persists.”
From a position of rejection, denial, and un-acceptance—we cannot achieve any change. When we resist something—it doesn’t go away but seems to gain strength. We can complain, lament, and bemoan what is, but we can’t change it—not until we first recognize things as they are, and accept what is. From that vantage, we can objectively see what is possible.
Mike Robbins (Author & Leadership Expert) says “Acceptance is not resignation or agreement; it is simply telling the truth and allowing things to be as they are. When we accept ourselves, others, and life the way it is – we can create a real sense of peace and let go of much of our suffering. And, from this place of peace and truth, we’re more able to not only appreciate life, but also to manifest the kind of circumstances, relationships, and outcomes we truly want.” (1)
Sounds feasible, but how do you get to acceptance?
I start by recognizing how I think about a new change that I get upset over.
There’s the “first thought” which is my primal brain’s response to a stressful event: fight, flight, or freeze. A first thought is a reaction to pain and perceived danger—which is useful when clear and present danger exists—but is a terrible place from which to make meaningful decisions. Your first thought is rarely your best thought. I’ve read that “…most people don’t actually think. They just take their first thought and go.” (2)
But when you pause and stop yourself from instantly reacting—then you allow your “second thought” to manifest. Your second thought is predictably more refined and more based in reality than your first. Your second thought is more objective. Your second thought is
So what would it be like to stop going with your first thought, and begin to allow your second thought to appear and use it to accept what is? What if you could accept what is—and then think through what you can do to implement a change for the positive? What if you used this technique in your relationships, in your work environment, in your neighborhood, in your politics, and in your family?
Not going with my first thoughts has helped me, though the year 2020 was a year of many first-thought reactions for me. But I’m doing better so far in 2021. I’m not surrendering nor agreeing with injustices—I’m trying to make positive changes using my second thoughts………yours in shared ministry………….Russ
(1) https://mike-robbins.com/accepting-what-is/
(2) https://fs.blog/2018/02/first-thought-not-best-thought/